There’s a moment in every tough negotiation when it gets quiet. I mean, awkwardly, maddeningly, what-the-hell-is-going-on quiet. And when that silence hits, most negotiators either panic, over-explain, or rush to fill the void with noise that derails the conversation.
Let me tell you—silence is never a bad thing.
When someone goes silent in a negotiation, one of two things is usually true:
If I had to pick, I’d prefer the second one. That silence means I landed on something meaningful. I’ve pulled something from under the surface, something unspoken, something real. And that’s when you start unearthing Black Swans—those hidden truths that change everything.
Now, if it’s the first one—if they don’t trust me—then I’ve got work to do. Trust issues are deal killers. They won’t blow up immediately. They’ll erode the deal slowly. You’ll walk away thinking it went fine, and then… radio silence.
So what do I do in that silence?
I listen with my eyes.
People’s mouths might be shut, but their bodies are still talking. If their posture tightens, eyes narrow, arms cross—you’ve triggered something emotional. This is an affect shift and if that shift happens, you’ve got to disrupt the emotional current.
That’s when I lean into Labels™.
If I see the affect shift, I’ll say something like:
“It seems like I said something that upset you.”
“It sounds like that landed the wrong way.”
Most people will say, “No, no, no, that’s not it.”
But if you’re paying attention—if you see the tension—that “no” is just a shield. And here’s the trick: don’t back off. Go deeper. Say:
“Sounds like I hit a nerve.”
That’s not confrontation—it’s connection. It’s you signaling, I see you.
Most negotiators take the first “no” and retreat. They want to avoid discomfort. But when you back off too soon, you leave the other side thinking:
“They don’t get me.”
“They don’t care about what matters to me.”
That lingers. It kills momentum. It breeds resentment.
To keep the deal alive, you have to go deeper and uncover why the no is showing up. You’ve got to call out what’s unspoken—without judgment—and listen for the two words that change the entire dynamic: “That’s Right” (or an equivalent that signals emotional buy-in).”
When someone says “That’s Right,” they’re not agreeing with you—they’re telling you they feel understood. And when people feel understood, they let their guard down. That phrase is the turning point. It’s where resistance softens and collaboration begins.
So how do you get there?
You summarize their perspective. You reflect their frustrations, their fears, their logic. You say the thing they’ve been thinking but didn’t expect you to recognize. Something like:
“It seems like this kind of agreement has gone sideways for you in the past.”
“It looks like you’ve had to deal with messes that weren’t yours to clean up.”
“It sounds like you’ve been left holding the bag before.”
And then—you pause.
When they respond with “That’s Right,” you’ve hit the mark.
And here’s the secret: if you stay silent just a beat longer after they say it, they’ll often tell you exactly what needs to happen next. They’ll say:
“...And that’s why we’ve been hesitant.”
“...So if we’re going to move forward, we’d need…”
It’s no longer about extracting a concession. It’s about earning their roadmap. That’s what Tactical Empathy® does—it gets them talking, and it keeps the deal alive.
Don’t chase a yes. Don’t settle for a nod. Chase “That’s Right.”
When your counterpart goes quiet to think, don’t fear it—protect it.
Most people rush to fill the space because they’re uncomfortable. They assume silence means something’s wrong. But often, it means something’s right. Something you said landed. Now they’re sitting with it.
And if you break that silence too early—because it feels awkward or because your ego needs a reaction—you risk interrupting the exact moment they’re about to say something valuable.
We call this Dynamic Silence—intentional stillness paired with presence. You're showing them with your eyes, your posture, your facial expression:
“I’m with you. Take your time.”
When you hold that space, you’re inviting them to step in. And often, they will. They’ll surprise you with something you never would’ve uncovered if you’d filled the gap with chatter or explanation.
Different people process silence in different ways. Some are analyzing every angle. Some are replaying what you just said. Some are fighting with their own internal objections. But here’s what they all have in common: they need space to think clearly.
Let them.
That silence might feel uncomfortable to you—but to them? It’s oxygen.
If you trust the moment and keep the tension suspended just long enough, they’ll give you more than an answer. They’ll give you insight. And in negotiation, insight beats information every single time.
So if you’re ever tempted to talk your way out of silence—don’t.
Silence isn’t the enemy. Misreading it is.
The key is to stop treating silence like a threat and start treating it like a signal. It's a cue to listen harder, observe more closely, and lean into curiosity instead of control.
If the silence is emotional, demonstrate Tactical Empathy® to surface what’s unspoken. If the silence is thoughtful, protect it like it’s sacred. Either way, your job is to respect the pause.
Negotiation isn’t about who talks the most—it’s about who listens the best. The quiet moments are where truth lives. That’s where trust is built. That’s where the Black Swans are hiding.
So stay calm, curious, and quiet—just long enough for the conversation to become real.
Because sometimes, the most powerful thing that’s said… is nothing at all.