Understanding Power Through the Lens of Tactical Empathy®

One of the key Laws of Negotiation Gravity is that fear of loss is the single biggest driver of human decision making and behavior. When you look a t power dynamics through a lens of fear, you must consider the potential it has to derail your negotiation or difficult conversation sending it into a downward spiral that leads to misunderstandings, destructive conversations, or all out attacks.

The Black Swan Method™: Understanding Power Dynamics and the Impact They Have on Fear

The Black Swan Method™ is a powerful tool for building rapport and fostering collaboration. It involves acknowledging the other person's viewpoint, even if we disagree with it, and expressing a genuine desire to understand their perspective. By doing so, we create an atmosphere of openness and trust, which can lead to more productive conversations and better outcomes for all involved.

Mitigating Fear is An Important First Step

When you allow fear, real or perceived, to remain in the conversation or negotiation you are impeding your counterparts ability to think clearly. The fear is taking up space in their brain which takes away their capacity to hear what you’re saying. When you demonstrate an understanding of that fear, they can let it go which frees up that space allowing you to have a productive and open conversation.

Fear as A Driver

If your counterpart sees themselves as the less powerful person in the negotiation, then they may fear the power they assume you will wield over them. When someone perceives our power as a threat to their own goals or desires, they may become triggered even before any interaction takes place. This fear can manifest as destructive behavior, leading them to attempt to undermine or destroy the interaction. However, it's crucial to recognize that their actions may not be a deliberate attempt to harm us but rather a response to their own insecurities and fears. 

The Power of Curiosity

When faced with someone who perceives us as having all the power, it's essential to take a step back and remain curious. Instead of reacting impulsively, we should consider the situation from their perspective. Use empathetic  listening to understand why they feel or think the way they do and where it may be coming from. This will help you understand the thoughts, feelings, and motivations behind their actions. By doing so, you will open yourself up to a deeper understanding of the situation and the person involved.

Remove Yourself as A Threat

To prevent destructive conversations and interactions, we must first remove ourselves as a perceived threat. By acknowledging their perspective and validating their power imbalance concerns, we can lower the chances of misunderstandings and reduce the fear they may harbor towards us. This approach not only reduces the likelihood of destructive behavior but also leads to more innovative solutions and stronger relationships. 

Dealing With Power on the Other Side

If your counterpart perceives themselves as being in a position of power, then their greatest fear may be losing that power. Tactical Empathy® is effective when dealing with someone in that position. The first thing you should do is acknowledge the fear. You can do this with an Accusations Audit at the beginning of your interaction: “You may be worried I’ll try to undermine you” or “This may feel like I’m making a power play.” 

Throughout your interaction, allow them to maintain the illusion of power and control while you use the Labels, Mirrors and Dynamic Silence  to gather information and find Black Swans. Letting them stay in the power mindset keeps them in a more positive state which keeps them from putting up walls throughout the conversation. As long as you respond to them and don’t react to their power assertion you won’t be feeding the beast in a negative manner. Knocking the other side down a peg to ‘even the playing field’ or make yourself feel better or more powerful isn’t necessary and will hinder any attempts to build rapport and gain a trust-based influence.

The Benefits of Collaboration

When we approach potentially destructive situations with curiosity, empathy, and a willingness to collaborate, we open the door to more positive interactions. Using the Black Swan Method™ to demonstrate an understanding of the negative thoughts and feelings of the other side lowers the chances of misunderstandings and reduces the fear that may be harbored by them. This keeps destructive conversations at bay and allows for a collaborative interaction that will lead to better outcomes for all involved.