Taking the Mystery Out of Calibrated Questions

Taking The Mystery Out Of Calibrated Questions

“Why did you do that?” Did that question make you feel all warm and fuzzy? No. Us either. “Why” type of questions can easily trigger our brain’s amygdala into the “fight or flight” mode. The questions inherently make us feel defensive. It’s also a reason we almost always avoid “why” type of questions, (although there is one notable exception).  To ask better questions, switch to Calibrated Questions.

Calibrated Questions are thoughtful, open-ended questions which cannot be answered with a yes or no answer.  They are asked purposefully to not only learn more about our counterpart’s position or situation, but when used correctly, they can induce thought-shaping and problem-solving.

Asking questions is easy. Asking the right questions, or asking them in the right manner, takes more skill. Voltaire, the famous 17th-century writer and philosopher, understood this by sharing, "Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers." Let’s face it, we are often exposed to people who simply do not ask good questions. The use of Calibrated Questions can help us avoid being lumped into the "bad question” group.

Calibrated Questions are thought-shaping questions. Some of the best often begin with “What” or “How”.  Seventeenth century French military leader Napoleon Bonaparte understood this when he said, “Why and How are words so important that they cannot be too often used.” The beauty of appropriately using “What” and “How” questions is they reduce our counterpart’s feelings of defensiveness, unlike the above “Why did you do that” question.

Consider the question, “What is your vision on how we move forward on the proposal?” When asked in the proper tone of voice, (we always stress the importance of our voice tone), it is non-adversarial and allows our counterpart to share their thoughts on the proposal.  Or consider, “How do you see this situation being successfully resolved?”  Typically, the more vivid their explanation, like recalling a movie playing back in their mind, reveals how much thought they have put into their vision.  And a Law of Negotiation Gravity worth repeating is “Vision drives decision.”

Socrates, the Greek philosopher from 400BC, was famous for answering questions with another question, (often referred to as the Socratic Method).  Was this done to be difficult?  No.  With our use of “What” and “How” questions, we can allow our counterpart to come up with answers to their own problems. When we involve our counterparts, (customers, co-workers, family, etc.) to be part of the solution process, they are more apt to make it successful.  

Now back to our “Why” question exception. While “Why” questions nearly always make us feel defensive, there is one time The Black Swan Group believes its use is key. A “Why” question, asked during our Proof Of Life portion of our conversation sequence, allows us to judge how committed our counterpart is to us or our proposal. It’s typically asked at the beginning of the conversation, when we want to see if we are the Fool or the Favorite. There is a Fool and Favorite in every initial contact a prospective client makes with you. As the Favorite, chances are very high (80 percent or better) that you’ll get the business. The prospect picked you before you ever answered the phone, whether they realized it or not.  As the Fool, they are suing you for due diligence or information gathering. The chances of swaying them away from their Favorite are low (maybe 20 percent at best), even if you say and do all the right things. The Proof of Life “Why” question may sound like, “Of all the other companies that you have to choose from, why are you considering us to provide you with your ________________ needs?” If your counterpart begins giving you your company’s value proposition, you know they have a strong level of commitment. You are probably the Favorite.

The use of “What” and “How” can have a tremendous impact on not only the quality of questions asked, but it also allows our counterpart to answer without feeling defensive while sharing their position. See for yourself the vast improvements you will witness in the quality of their answers!