Tell me more…
At first glance, the phrase “Tell me more” seems like an impactful and thoughtful statement. Often, it is used as a polite prompt to encourage someone to share additional information. While this phrase is not inherently bad, its overuse or misuse can undermine its purpose. Typically, “Tell me more” is employed with good intent—to show interest and nudge for more details. It’s also frequently used in moments of discomfort, where the person on the receiving end of the information feels overwhelmed or uncertain about how to respond. In such situations, this simple phrase acts as a bridge to keep the conversation flowing.
However, what do you do when the information you need to gather is critical—when the stakes are high, and relying on “Tell me more” isn’t sufficient? How do you ensure your approach is as effective as possible in connecting with the person you are engaging with? The answer lies in making a “two-millimeter shift.”
The phrase “two millimeter shift” is used to describe the concept of implementing small changes to obtain massive results. It is often used in specialized positions within a variety of fields. A surgeon makes tiny adjustments to maximize results for their patients. A pilot is aware that a slight deviation from his course can result in a major change in the plane’s final destination. A negotiator applies Tactical Empathy® constantly to ensure they don’t miss information that, if known, would completely change their strategy moving forward. Each of these situations is an example of a two-millimeter shift designed to get a more effective outcome or to uncover what we call a Black Swan.
In order to achieve this two-millimeter shift as a negotiator you need to do a few things. First, make the choice to see yourself as a negotiator. Second you need to be intensely aware of your level of listening as well as the need to remove yourself as a threat. In order to do this you must apply Tactical Empathy® often, as the opportunity to do so arises.
This brings me back to the “tell me more” moment. In order to remove ourselves as a threat we must be open to the possibility that we could be a threat. How can using a simple phrase like “tell me more” sound threatening? It actually comes across as a demand you are making to the other side and it fails to acknowledge what has already been said. The person may instantly regret having shared something very personal due to the lack of connection in the response. They may give you more information to appease the demand and the information given is likely to be filtered, guarded or not with full scope.
Slow down. What have they already told you? What does the world look like to them? Use your intuition and make an educated guess. How does what they told you make them feel? Is there anything you could label? A label is verbal observation of the counterparts’ emotions, dynamics or circumstances. For example, if someone shares a difficult circumstance that they’ve navigated, engage them by labeling that circumstance. You might start with “That must have been exhausting for you!”
Tactical Empathy® is intuition plus vocalization. It is the deliberate attempt to recognize the perspective of the other person and the verbalization of that recognition. The second part of this is imperative. When you are tempted to say “tell me more” or “go on” make the two millimeter shift and apply Tactical Empathy® instead.
The two-millimeter shift is not about sweeping changes or dramatic transformations; it’s about the small, deliberate actions that lead to extraordinary outcomes. Whether in a surgical suite, a cockpit, or a negotiation room, the principle remains the same: attention to detail and intentionality can make all the difference.