Leadership is inherently challenging. It demands not only the ability to guide but also to inspire others to collaborate and achieve a shared vision. While the qualities of great leaders have been the subject of extensive discussion, one truth stands out: Tactical Empathy® is a critical tool for effective leadership. Tactical Empathy® is also the bedrock of the Black Swan Group.
Tactical Empathy® is the deliberate application of emotional intelligence. It involves recognizing the perspective of a counterpart—whether a co-worker, subordinate, or customer—and vocalizing that recognition. It’s not about us, it’s about them. Leadership author John Maxwell echoed this in his book Everyone Communicates, Few Connect when he wrote, “When we learn to turn our focus from ourselves to others, the whole world opens up to us.” Tactical Empathy® not only strengthens interpersonal bonds but also builds trust, an essential component of leadership.
Improving leadership begins with recognizing and addressing common pitfalls. A 2023 Forbes article titled “17 Common Mistakes Leaders Make That Can Destroy Team Trust” highlights errors leaders typically make. The Black Swan Group has proven methodologies that can help mitigate these mistakes.
Mistake 1: Pushing One’s Own Agenda
Leaders often fall into the trap of prioritizing their own objectives over their team’s needs. At the Black Swan Group, we advocate for focusing conversations on our counterpart. Whether the counterpart is a subordinate, peer, or superior, leaders must first seek to understand their perspective.
Employees, like anyone, want to feel heard and understood. By vocalizing their thoughts, beliefs, and opinions back to them, leaders strengthen connections through Tactical Empathy®. A useful framework is to devote 75% to 80% of the conversation to understanding the counterpart, reserving the final portion for presenting one’s agenda. Starting with a “No-Oriented Question,” such as “Would you be against me sharing my vision?” can open a constructive dialogue. Concentrate on sequencing and process rather than jumping to your goal and objective.
Simon Sinek captured this approach succinctly: “True leaders understand that leadership is not about them but about those they serve.”
Mistake 2: Allowing Ego to Overshadow Leadership
Ego is a significant barrier to effective leadership. As Derek Gaunt discusses in his book Ego, Authority, Failure, ego and authority are the foundation of toxic leadership, instilling fear and eroding trust. When faced with frustration or conflict, it is easy for leaders to default to BISS (“Because I Said So”) behavior. However, ego-driven actions—such as talking louder, pushing harder, or becoming more demanding—only alienate.
To avoid this pitfall, leaders must:
The negative impact of ego is evident in BambooHR’s 2020 survey, which found that nearly half of employees leave good jobs due to bad managers. Leaders who prioritize understanding and connection over ego and authority foster healthier workplace dynamics. Keeping ego in check allows leaders to foster trust and connection.
Mistake 3: Understanding The Power Of Fear
Fear is a powerful driver of human behavior. In fact, the fear of loss is the single biggest driver of human behavior. Leaders must consider what their employees fear losing—whether it’s respect, relationships, opportunities, or even certainty, the “mother of all fears”.
Addressing fear requires a shift from traditional directive leadership. Instead of focusing solely on giving instructions, leaders should encourage employees to lead conversations. Listening attentively to their words, emotions, and body language reveals deeper concerns. Black Swan Group skills like Labels, Mirrors, and Dynamic Silence enable leaders to dig deeper while making our employees feel heard and understood. This approach also allows us to build trust.
Leadership is a continuous journey of learning and self-improvement. Mistakes are inevitable, but as Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.”
By practicing Tactical Empathy®, staying curious, and avoiding common pitfalls such as pushing personal agendas, succumbing to ego, or ignoring fear, leaders can foster stronger connections and drive meaningful results. Never forget the wisdom of Zig Ziglar: “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.”