“It seems like something just crossed your mind” - A Magic Wand Phrase

How to read between the lines is really how to investigate between the lines.

The power of observational intelligence is driven by curiosity, and not “hope”.  Frank Herbert wrote in the book “Dune” - “Hope clouds observation”.  I generally hate quoting fiction…this one is too good not to.

In the high-stakes world of negotiation, the most powerful tool often isn't what you say, but what you observe. The phrase "It seems like something just crossed your mind" is one of the most effective articulated observations (labels) I've used throughout my career in hostage negotiation and business dealings.

This seemingly simple statement is actually a sophisticated negotiation skill.  It does several things simultaneously. 

First, it demonstrates acute attention to the subtle shifts in someone's behavior or expression (affect shifts). When you notice these shifts or micro-changes – a slight furrow of the brow, a momentary pause, a quick glance away – and verbalize them, you're showing the other person that they have your complete attention.

But the real power of this phrase lies in its ability to create a revelatory moment, i.e. a Black Swan - the hidden gem that will change everything.

When you say, "It seems like something just crossed your mind," you're inviting the other person to share thoughts they might otherwise have kept to themselves. 

The elegance of this approach is that it's non-confrontational. You're not demanding information or forcing a disclosure. Instead, you're creating a safe space (trust) for them to voice concerns, doubts, or ideas they might be hesitant to express.

The phrase leverages several Tactical Empathy™ principles. First, "it seems like" is tentative language that is non-threatening and gives the other person room to correct or clarify. 

The timing of this phrase is crucial. It's most effective when used immediately after you notice a change in someone's demeanor. The immediacy shows your genuine engagement. It should be delivered with curiosity rather than accusation. Your tone should convey genuine interest rather than suspicion.

In business negotiations, The Black Swan Group has found this phrase particularly valuable when discussing complex deals. Often, counterparts have unstated concerns that they're hesitant to voice, either out of politeness or strategic consideration. By noticing and acknowledging these moments of internal dialogue, you can bring important issues to the surface where they can be addressed productively.

The phrase also serves as a pattern interrupt. When someone is stuck in a rigid negotiating position or rehearsed script, acknowledging their unspoken thoughts can break them out of that pattern and lead to more authentic dialogue. It shows that you're interested in their genuine thoughts and feelings, not just their stated position.

The key to this tool is to employ it only when you genuinely notice a shift in the other person's behavior or demeanor. Authenticity is crucial – people can tell when you're using a technique mechanically versus when you're genuinely engaged in understanding their perspective.

One of the great students of The Black Swan Method (and great evangelist) once said to us that he has this rule of thumb: Label every affect shift. 

I've used this technique successfully in negotiations across Asia, Europe, and the Middle East.

In any negotiation, people are constantly processing new information, considering implications, and weighing options. If you’ve in fact said something impactful, you have affected their thinking.  This is the moment you don’t want to miss. Explore it.

By acknowledging these internal processes, you're demonstrating emotional intelligence and creating a more sophisticated dialogue.

Remember, the goal isn't just to get information – it's to build trust and understanding while you are gathering information. 

"It seems like something just crossed your mind" creates the trust that leads to breakthrough moments in negotiations. The Black Swans are found in the unspoken thoughts we help bring to light.