How To Instantly Create Collaboration to Get What You Want

The Black Swan Group has created a list of 10 Magic Wand phrases to instantly transform any negotiation.

I will be revealing each of these in a series of Negotiation Mastery articles for you to absorb and apply in your life for your maximum level of success… if you integrate them slowly and smoothly. 

Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.

The first of the 10: “It seems like you have a reason for saying that.”

Today.  And I mean today, all day.  Tactical Empathy Tuesday.  Try it out Tuesday.  Throw away your fears of failure Tuesday.

Each of your responses to what someone has said, pause, gather yourself thoughtfully (take a breath) and say “It seems like you have a reason for saying that.”  And then be silent. 

Look at them thoughtfully.  Expectantly.  Like you know they have great thoughts to share…and they do.  Let it happen.  Count thousands to yourself if you have to.

Dynamic silence is the critical finishing touch to the use of any great communication skill.

You’re going to feel awkward. 

Awkwardness is an indicator of accelerated learning.  Embrace the feeling of awkwardness you have right now as you read these words and imagine all the ways this won’t fit your circumstances.   Hug the cactus.  Find out.  Liberate yourself from your amygdala.

No one will collaborate with you willingly until they feel heard and respected.  You need their collaboration to get what you want.  Bring them onto your team.  Life is a team sport.

You have to have the small-stakes practice to learn the skills and their impact.

You have to have the small-stakes practice to properly deploy the skills in your high-stakes interactions.

Paraphrase and summarize afterwards.  Add your thoughts if you choose.  Hold back from sharing common ground as much as possible (it’s not about you).  Simply enjoy the conversation of the moment.

What you will find from this is a day of people opening up to you in ways you haven’t seen before.  What you will also find is what collaboration looks like at the beginning stages.

At the end of the day, you will have had an amazing day.

“I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.”  Bruce Lee