We’re all drawn to interesting people. Here’s how to improve your communication skills and become the most interesting person in the room.
Start with this three-step opening:
Here’s your fourth follow-on step: Mirror™ and Label™ from this point on, using Dynamic Silence liberally. This is a version of the one-on-ones we use as the foundation for mastery of the Black Swan Method™—also known as the quick 2+1.
I used this approach at a Hollywood party in LA a couple of years ago. There was an evidently well-known movie producer in the room. I say “evidently” because although I had no idea who he was (I am happily oblivious to that kind of stuff), everyone else there was fawning over him, trying to impress him with flattery, and so on.
After everyone else was done, I used The Black Swan Quick 2+1™, and we had a 20-minute conversation (about five times longer than anyone else). And at the end, he said: “Wow. I haven’t told anyone that stuff in over 20 years.”
The Black Swan team does this when we teach you The Quick 2+1™ in our training. We love doing this with companies because the typical response from colleagues who have been together for many years is: “Wow! We’ve worked together for over seven years, and I just found out more about him in three minutes than I did in all that time.”
Let’s break this down so you can see the dynamic and why this works.
In fact, the most important people in the room are the quietest. They lay back, watch other interactions, and look for the loudest, most buffoonish people. Then, they avoid those people.
Next time you find yourself at a corporate mixer—or a Hollywood cocktail party for that matter—follow this guide to become the most interesting person in the room.
Give them your first name, and do so while smiling and holding out your hand. In doing this, you give them less information to remember. You also want to be remembered by one name—think Kanye, Beyoncé, Madonna, Oprah, and Adele.
Give them a moment for the gentle, pleasant first impression of you to sink in. When they give their first name back, they’ve accepted your invitation of reciprocity under their terms. They don’t feel intruded on.
If and only if they don’t fill the silence, proceed to step three. If they do fill the silence, let them lead and segue into step three at your earliest opportunity.
Remember, the more you talk about yourself, the more you blend in with every other opportunist and the less unique you appear.
This is when you ask, “What about (one-second pause) what you do makes you passionate?” The pause is a great way to catch their focus even more.
Look for insights. Label those. Mirror things that sound interesting to you—the things you don’t quite understand or suspect will lead to a deeper conversation.
When do you get to talk about yourself?
In your second conversation. If it’s a fit, the opportunity will come to you. If not? You’ve probably just given that person one of the best conversations they’ve had that day—following the rule of leaving people better than you found them.
Bottom line? Use Black Swan skills to network like a boss and be the most interesting person in the room! Want to learn more about how to improve your communication skills? Click below.