Discovering Black Swans: Turning Everyday Moments into Big Wins

Picking up from where we left off—the hospital room, the nurse, the unexpected rapport. Tone and Tactical Empathy^® cracked the door open, but what came next?That’s where things got interesting.

The real shift happened when I leaned into curiosity, asked No-Oriented Questions™, and uncovered Black Swans—the hidden insights that flipped a routine interaction into something different.

That’s the thing about negotiation—it’s not just about getting what you want. It’s also about seeing what’s there that no one else sees.

Curiosity: The Gateway to Black Swans

Curiosity isn’t just nice to have. It’s the difference between managing surface-level dynamics and latent dynamics. The more you dig, the more you find.

Take the nurse. I could’ve left the conversation at “Thanks for the IV.” Instead, I threw out:

“What’s your favorite part of your job?”

And just like that, we were off.

She started talking—about her career, her family, her real goals. This wasn’t just some gig for her. She had aspirations beyond nursing. She used humor as a coping mechanism.

Now, why does that matter?

Because those weren’t just details. They turned a transactional interaction into a connection.

Curiosity isn’t small talk. It’s intel gathering.

It’s the thing that separates people who drift through conversations, going through the motions, from those whom everyone enjoys engaging.

No-Oriented Questions: The Power of “No”

People don’t like being cornered. The second they feel pressured, they retreat. That’s why traditional questions—ones that force a “yes”—can backfire.

No-Oriented Questions flip the script. They let the other person feel  in control by not taking them down a path they have not volunteered for.

I was hungry. I had not eaten for over 24 hours. Could’ve asked, “Can I get something to eat?”

But that’s a trap. It forces a decision in my favor and , makes them feel like they’re being put on the spot. Instead, I went with,“Would it be ridiculous to ask for a snack?”

And just like that, the resistance vanished.

“No, that wouldn’t be hard at all.”

Not only did she bring me a snack, she brought two packs of graham crackers.

Why? Because "no" feels safe. It lets people feel like they have autonomy in making their own decisions. The best negotiators know this: people will fight to protect their autonomy. Let them keep it, and they’ll do more for you than you ever could’ve forced.

Black Swans: Hidden Gems in Plain Sight

A Black Swan is the unknown unknown—the piece of information that changes the entire game.

For the nurse, it was her pride in her culture and her sarcastic sense of humor.

For me, it was the realization that people don’t just want to be heard. They want to be understood.

And here’s the kicker:

People don’t just hand you Black Swans. You have to create the space for them to appear.

That’s why curiosity and No-Oriented Questions are so powerful. They disarm. They invite. They open doors.

Low-Stakes Practice for High-Stakes Wins

Here’s the reality: The recovery room wasn’t a high-stakes negotiation.  My high-stakes that day were in the OR and “I had already cheated death.” 

But that’s exactly why it was perfect.

You sharpen your tools when the stakes are low. You tweak the phrasing. You test reactions. You get comfortable watching people’s defenses drop in real-time.

So when the moment comes—when the deal’s on the line, when the tension is real, when it actually matters—you’re ready.

This isn’t theory. It’s training.

Final Takeaway

What started as me waking up groggy from anesthesia turned into a full-contact negotiation drill.

Last time, we set the table—tone, rapport, Tactical Empathy^®.
This time? We dropped the gloves—curiosity, No-Oriented Questions, uncovering Black Swans.

Because here’s the truth:

People don’t open up because they have to.
They open up because they want to. Because they feel safe.

And once you get that right, you stop chasing the game. You have given them the illusion of control, and now you are in control.