Addressing possible Deception in a Negotiation

In the realm of negotiation, detecting deception is critical. However, it's also one of the most challenging aspects to master. Deception detection is not about reading body language alone; it requires a deep understanding of the context and the individual you are dealing with. This article delves into how to identify deception, the tools you can use, and when to decide whether to proceed with a negotiation.

One of the first steps in detecting deception is understanding the concept of baseline behavior. Establishing a baseline is crucial because without it, identifying deviations that signal deceit becomes nearly impossible. Consider a polygraph test, which spends the initial 15-20 minutes just establishing the examinee's baseline. Without such a machine, you rely on your observational skills and interactions to determine this baseline.

For example, some "experts" claim that looking up and to the right is a sign of lying. However, this might just be where the person naturally looks for answers. Without knowing this about the individual, any conclusion drawn is unreliable. Thus, as a part of the first phase of your interaction,  focus on understanding their normal behavior patterns.

Deception detection often starts with a hunch. You might sense that something said doesn't align with the reality of the situation. When you get this feeling, it's time to dig deeper using Labels™ and Calibrated Questions™. A useful label could be, "It sounds like you have a reason for saying that," prompting the other party to provide a substantive response. If they struggle to respond sincerely, it could indicate deception.

Another powerful question is, "What makes you say that?" This query forces a person who might be lying to think on their feet, which is often challenging if they haven't rehearsed their response.

Differentiating Between Fear and Manipulation

Understanding why someone might be deceptive is vital. Generally, there are two primary motivations: fear (defensive) or manipulation (offensive). Fear-driven deception occurs when the person is trying to protect themselves, whereas manipulation is a deliberate attempt to deceive for personal gain.

If you suspect fear, you might say, "It sounds like you're scared that this might not go as planned and you don't know what to do." If the person responds affirmatively, you can work with them to address their fears, thereby reducing the negative emotions driving the deception.

However, if the response is denying or dismissive, such as, "I'm not scared of anything,  I said what I said" it likely indicates manipulation. At this point, you need to decide whether continuing the relationship is worth the risk.

The Dangers of Ignoring Your Intuition

Many negotiators fall into the trap of ignoring his or her gut feelings due to the allure of a potential deal. This is especially common when significant money is involved or when there is pressure to achieve results, such as meeting quarterly targets or securing a promotion.

Continuing a relationship with a known liar can lead to long-term problems. If someone is deceptive before a formal relationship is even established, it's unlikely they will change once contracts are signed. Often, the behavior worsens because they know you're committed. As a result, you're left dealing with the fallout for the duration of the agreement.

When faced with a deceptive counterpart, the decision to walk away can be difficult, especially if the deal promises substantial rewards. However, as a coach, I would advise running away as fast as you can. For every deceptive person, there are likely several others who will negotiate in good faith.

The problem often lies in the "happy ears" syndrome, where negotiators hear what they want to hear and ignore the warning signs. This can lead to disastrous consequences, both personally and professionally.

To navigate through deception, rely on Labels™ and Calibrated Questions™. These tools help you probe deeper without being confrontational. For instance, saying, "How is what I'm hearing wrong?" shows deference and acknowledges that the misunderstanding might be on your end. This approach can reveal whether the deception is due to fear or manipulation.

If someone is under pressure, recognizing and articulating it can unlock the floodgates of truth. Conversely, if their response focuses on positioning and posturing, it indicates they are trying to get over on you.

Ending on a Positive Note

Even when you identify deception, it's crucial to handle the situation gracefully. Instead of outright accusing someone of lying, which can lead to confrontation, you can end the interaction in a way that maintains your professionalism. For instance, saying, "Unfortunately, what you're asking doesn't work for me, which is a shame because  I was really looking forward to working with you. If we can resolve these issues, I'd love to revisit this in the future," leaves the door open while signaling that their current behavior is unacceptable.

Detecting deception is a nuanced skill that requires a combination of intuition, observation, and strategic questioning. By establishing a baseline, trusting your gut, and using Labels™ and Calibrated Questions™, you can navigate through deceit and make informed decisions about whether to proceed with a negotiation. Remember, it's better to walk away from a potentially harmful relationship than to commit to one that could cause long-term damage. Trust your instincts, stay vigilant, and prioritize integrity in all your negotiations.