Close fearlessly.  

As a hostage negotiator there is no compromise.  If there are 3 hostages there is no 50/50 split.  We think of compromise as not being able to decide to wear black or brown shoes, so you wear one of each. Now I also don’t mean turn into a total jerk that has no sense of emotional intelligence.  What I mean is don’t compromise but at the same time be ready to expand the deal to a point where the pie increases for both sides.  Essentially don’t be so sure of what you want that you wouldn’t accept something better.  Instead of getting caught up in what you have decided you want, get caught up in getting them to solve the problems on the table for you.  Guide them to lead you to a better deal you may not have even thought was possible.   For all intents and purposes get your counterpart to expand and determine ideas on your behalf.

Perfectly summarize their world.

Make it a goal during the interaction to perfectly summarize what the world looks like to your counterpart. One of the most common mistakes I see regarding negotiation is that individuals are coming together to make decisions.  People come together for the purpose of influencing decisions that have already been made. [CLICK TO TWEET] While making decisions is a place you end up in phase 2 or 3 of the process, it is very far from where you start.  Think about all the things you value, justifying why you make certain strategic moves.  The reasons you come to the assumptions you do.  If you think every single counterpart you face isn’t doing the same thing you’re mistaken, it’s human nature to operate in such a manner.  In order to build trust and get someone to change their mind at the same time is to accurately verbalize what the biggest challenge they face looks like, what are their pains.  Trying to sway them with logic is argumentative.  Business people are not lawyers; we are not executing a trial at the negotiation table.  Remember logic is a very biased concept.  In order for them to be able to listen to you at all you have to be able to explain to them why they are at the table in the first place.

Stop trying to get people to say yes.  

People have an innate ability to pick up on someone throwing a question at them and really hoping to get a “yes”.  A lot of times the reason they are hoping to get a “yes” on an initial question is because there is at least one more question requiring a “yes” you may not like.  Typically the motive for the first “yes” is the causation for the next one.  This dynamic is common across the board of all business and personal relationships.  For example a little girl asks her dad if he loves her, just to follow with “so you won’t be mad at me when you see I spilled something in the kitchen.”  It makes people nervous to say “yes” because they are not always sure what they may be exposing themselves to by agreeing or confirming.  “You are willing to admit you have a problem in your company” – “So then you must be ready to give me 10 million to fix it.”  That said, you don’t want to catch yourself on the other side of that type of interaction.

Remember these 3 tips in your next negotiation and see how much better it goes.