3 Negotiation Pitfalls You Must Avoid

We all wish we had a perfect batting average. Even the Major League Baseball record holder, Ty Cobb, had a batting average of .366. Whether in baseball, business, or life, it is important to ponder on ways we can improve. This includes those times when negotiations had a less-than-favorable outcome for us. 

Every instructor and coach at the Black Swan Group has faced a negotiation setback.  Additionally, we have had the opportunity to provide feedback to others who have shared their negotiation woes.  While collectively examining these experiences, there are areas in which many of us seem to be making similar mistakes.  Here are three common areas that cause negotiations to fail.

Failing To Prepare

While it’s important to prepare for what we are trying to achieve, it is equally, if not more so, important to learn about our counterpart’s needs, concerns, agendas, etc.  Jacob Lew was the former US Secretary of the Treasury.  He demonstrated the value of considering the other party’s perspective when he said, “The most critical thing in a negotiation is to get inside your opponent’s head and figure out what he really wants.”  Author James Van Fleet offered similar advice in his book, Hidden Power: How to Unleash The Power of Your Subconscious Mind, when he wrote “Always think in terms of what the other person wants.”  There is a reason the Black Swan Group uses a mantra of, “It’s not about us; it’s about them.”  By making our counterpart our focus, our negotiation successes will flourish.

Failing to Listen

Although many of us believe we are good listeners, the truth is we are often underperforming by as much as 60%.  There are five levels of listening, with most of us listening at level one or two. Why? Listening at higher levels takes work!  When we listen at the highest level, empathetic listening, we learn about our counterpart’s “worldview, motivation, perspective, environment, and circumstance.”  When we are too quick to pitch our agenda or if we fail to listen to our counterpart, we will not hear what is truly important to them and negotiations can often fail.  Listening at the highest level will allow us to learn what our counterpart wants, and we can work to satisfy their unmet needs.  As Dean Rusk, the former Secretary of State under Presidents Kennedy and Johnson quipped, “One of the best ways to persuade others is by listening to them.”  

Failing To Use Tactical Empathy®

Tactical Empathy® is at the heart of the Black Swan Group’s teachings.  Henry Ford remarked, “If there is any one secret of success it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from his angle as well as from your own.”  While Henry Ford was immensely successful and we believe in his statement, Tactical Empathy® takes his quote a step further. It is good to recognize the perspective of our counterparts; it is great when we can vocalize that recognition back to them.  When we can verbalize their thoughts and their feelings to demonstrate that we understand their view, It makes our counterpart feel heard and understood.   Using Tactical Empathy® helps us establish rapport and ultimately leads us to our goal of obtaining trust-based influence.  It is easy to fail in negotiations when, instead of listening to what’s important to them, we push our wants and self-importance. 

Sooner or later, we all fail.  But as Confucious said, “Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.”  When a negotiation fails, take time to reflect on the entire process and examine areas for improvement.  Many times, we will find our failures will fall into one of these areas.  In closing, it would be important to consider a wise piece of advice we lifted from the 2006 movie, A Good Year.  Uncle Henry Skinner, (portrayed by actor Albert Finney), advised his nephew:

“You’ll come to see that a man learns nothing from winning. The act of losing, however, can elicit great wisdom. Not least of which is, uh… how much more enjoyable it is to win. It’s inevitable to lose now and again. The trick is not to make a habit of it.”