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In our inaugural edition Brandon highlighted the perils of assumptions, the largest of which is that you are normal. There is at least a 66% chance that the person on the other side of the table or phone with you thinks of themselves as normal; which makes you….?
Operating under the “I am Normal” assumption causes us to project our worldview onto the other side instead of actively pursuing an understanding of theirs. This hinders our ability in understanding their position, why it makes sense to them and more importantly what, if anything, will move them.
Brandon noted the importance of identifying what characteristics are stated or implied by the other side. Each time they say something, they teach something. Once you have learned enough about them, you can begin to predicting what they think and how they will respond. This gives you (I love this) an edge.
A common theme in Edge pieces is, “What does the other side think?” Brandon’s February piece, “Is time really everything?” is no exception. How does the person with whom you are negotiating view and appreciate time? How is that view tied to their potential earnings?
He highlighted three types of individuals. The first type believes time is money, wishing to waste neither. Their potential earnings aka self-image, is linked to how many things they can get accomplished in a specified period. The second type is methodical and diligent. They believe that as long as they are working toward the best result in a complete, thorough and systematic way, time of is little consequence. Their potential self-image is linked to minimizing mistakes. Finally, there are those who believe that their time is well spent when there is a free flowing, continuous exchange of information. As long as there is positive engagement, the time spent is productive. Their self-image are linked to how accommodating they are.
Crisis or business negotiations can benefit from the “Rule of 3” and the “What and How” questions.
The rule is to get the other side to verbalize a “yes” three times during the same conversation. Brandon brilliantly suggests that when driving for the three “yeses” that we camouflage our efforts. For example, after getting the first “yes”, use a label and/or a summary for the second and third “yes”. This will keep you from sounding contrived or overly aggressive.
“What and How” questions are instrumental in confirming a “yes”. In business, these questions are best used when the discussion is about implementation. In hostage/crisis negotiations, they can be used when the discussion is about some significant action being contemplated on the part of police or the person on the inside.